Teachability - Youth and Adult

Won't be too long, I promise.

...I think.

Anyway, was just wondering about teachability. Earlier this week (2 days ago, to be precise), I saw a rather...terrible scene.

Case:
University student A (I'll leave it up to you what that A stands for. Just saying.) comes into lecture theatre with iPad. Fools around with iPad, or maybe he's doing something important like TRADING STOCKS, I don't know. Lecturer comes in a little late, keeps repeating a question to us about remembering what we learned last lecture (couldn't make it then due to illness). Student A mutters a single sentence:

"Shut up lah. Damn noisy."


As the class draws to a close, another student asked the lecturer about fixing the timing of the release of tutorial questions. An earlier release would mean more time for us to do them and present in class, leaving our weekends more free. Lecturer replies that she is trying her best to release it as early as possible, and without the other lecture being taught, it would pose an unfair advantage to the group doing the question related to the earlier lecture. That's when the demon in student A surfaced.

NOTE: This is an excerpt of what he said-no, shouted, since I don't usually pay attention to rubbish spewed out from somebody's mouth.

"I concur...I CONCUR. I think we should be given more time to do the work...I mean it's the holidays, and I'm sure everyone wants to have the weekend and free time to themselves. Furthermore, it's quite a bother to come down here everyday like that. I live in Pasir Ris and I have to come down here for every lecture, and most of the material taught here can be researched online anyway. Then I have to spend all that time traveling, and it's quite a waste of time. I'm pretty sure everyone here would agree to that" *looks around* "And you should really think for us, you know."


The lecturer is visibly upset, and goes on to say in a direct manner about our offensiveness, and that she was trying very hard to produce the tutorial questions as early as she could (Tutorial questions released at 5pm on Thurs, while our lectures always end at 3 plus). She goes on to ask if the material is really something that can be researched online and whether any of us would actually always have the motivation to look for it.

We stay silent, then the earlier student attempts to defuse the situation diplomatically, at which point I left, lest I did something on impulse to student A and worsen the situation. Moments later, the class ended, and student A slams the door on his way out and stomps away. Other students filter out and I heard talk that it was the 'first time they saw a lecturer crying'.


Might not be wholly relevant, but it told me that there was one fundamental thing that more and more students have in lack for their mentors.

RESPECT.


And without that RESPECT, there can be no TEACHABILITY. I'll mince no words here - In fact, I find it extremely repulsive and shocked that such a blatant act of disrespect could still occur at a university level.

Then again, upon assessing the situation at primary and secondary school levels based on accounts from both teacher friends and student friends, if I were living in such environments, it probably wouldn't even be a shock at all.


Not saying that all school are like that, but I tend to believe someone who is honest and good (i.e. My mother) in their accounting of experiences. Note the plural form.

It is easy to brush off problems about the youth, of course, like when a friend said I was 'thinking too much' when I mentioned the possible influences books promoting wrong values (albeit unwittingly) can have on youths. And why not, since we can't even see the problems in the first place, since most of us are so short-sighted, reducing our thoughts to be focused on the job we want to get, the meal we want to eat next, the movie we want to watch, that academic article we want to read etc.

Not saying that all these things are bad or doing them makes you short-sighted per se, but I think it's unwise to dismiss such concerns without reviewing them at all.

Back on topic. Without respect for the authority in your life, how can you be teachable? That is ultimately a concern of mine that would probably go unanswered, seeing the lack of views and response here. Still, I just want to voice them out.

Before you say "But the teacher has nothing over me! Why should I listen to him/her?!", let me say they DO have authority. They have it in knowledge and education over you. They are authorised to teach you because they are more knowledgeable than you. Unless that teacher is a total wreck (and not by YOUR standards), you are compelled to listen and to respect him/her.

Even if he/she is boring. Even if he/she is "super" strict. Even if he/she has no sense of humor.

And for the Christian friends out there...If you have no respect for authority for the people around you, nothing will ever make me think that you have respect for Jesus and His teachings.


Go figure.

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The greater concern with teachability lies with adults though, and that includes me.

Here's an analogy - We are at level 60 when we enter university. When we graduate, we level up to level 80. As we work, we go even further to the 100s and are eligible to conquer various "dungeons" (a.k.a the Starting a Family Dungeon, the Buying a New House Cave etc). And at that certain level, we get achievements for conquering dungeons, and we think "Hey, I'm there already! I'm like a high-level dude who can take on anything!"

That seems to be the attitude we have. Upon reaching a certain age or a certain stage in life, we think we are self-sufficient. We think we know it all. We think that we can solve our own problems and we don't need help. We think there's nothing left to learn and that no one else can teach us.

That might not be the case between God and adults all the time, but that is a very realistic case between people.

More so for educators, I believe (Feel free to prove me wrong. I like to learn about my mistakes). I'd suppose its the nature of their job that makes some of them feel like that. Since they are the ones teaching almost all the time, it would feel...strange for some of them to be taught by someone else.

Then again, it could simply mean that that educator - or rather, that adult is not very teachable and has less respect for authority by focusing on their OWN selves as the authority.

Big No-No for anyone practising any religion. It only speaks of arrogance.

Maybe you say that the circumstances are so stifling - so why not share them, since the vaunted ability to solve your own problems since you are a working adult as failed you? It is difficult to set down that pride we have in us, of course...Then again, would you prefer solving the problem here and now or RUNNING AWAY from it only to have it haunt you again?


Go figure.

Long Time no See, and Nice to Meet You

It really has been a long time, hasn't it?

To be honest, I don't feel the same motivation for blogging as I used to when I first started out, but thinking about it, perhaps my reasons for doing so initially were frivolous.

I'm thankful, though, that even as I remembered about the emotional limbo - since hell is too strong a word - I was put through, I'm still standing.

It amazes me when I look back that I'm still in church, standing, worshipping God, singing His praises, fellowshipping with fellow Christians even better than before. It's not me that amazes me, because if that's all there is to it, that would be extremely arrogant.

No...What truly amazes me is the boundless capacity of forgiveness, mercy and restoration God has. Despite everything that has happened, all the outlets of stress relief - both good and bad - I went to, the false assumption that I was 'all right' and things like that, He still forgives me.

I have no doubt that I'll need to answer for everything I've done, eventually, but dwelling in it won't get me anywhere. The only way is forward. There's no guarantee that I wouldn't look back, but at least now I find strength and initiative within me to turn my neck back and keep reminding myself to look forward always.

As adults, sometimes we think we can solve these problems. And when we can't, we simply keep it to ourselves.

Wrong line of thinking...And if you think I'm preaching to the choir, I'd just say my 10+ years of experiencing that aren't for nothing.

Learned so much in recent weeks about vulnerability. Accountability. Openness. Maturity. Belief. Dreaming. Self-worth. Humility.

Learned so, so, so much.

Had I left church, would I have been able to get back on my feet? Would I have been able to improve so much that it feels like I'm practically a different person now?


NO.


And I most certainly hope that there are certain people out there who somehow press a wrong button and happen to enter this blog, then happen to see this post...Though in truth, real truth, that wouldn't be just a 'happen'.

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I've been thinking about relationships too.

I'm not all that young anymore. True, I do have some vigour. I can still jump and shout and dance and holler and run and battle it out on the soccer court, but I'm not all that young anymore.

One more year, and I'll truly enter the workforce.

One more year, and it's five years to the big Three Oh.

One more year...And I'll literally be no longer eligible for any more Emerge conferences for youths in my church.

"So it's time! When are you getting one?"

I smiled and shook my head with a wistful smile.

"Whaaat? Seriously? You're like, 24 already man! Don't you ever think about it?"


Of course I do. Who doesn't at this age? 


"Come on, man...You tease others about it, but you say you aren't really that interested?"


Yeah. I'm not that interested.


If you need any further hints, let's say the emotional 'drama' I went through was part of the reason why I'm not interested right now. In fact, I'm really thankful for the suffering I was put through.


I know plenty of friends, both Christian or otherwise, who would look at me in incredulity and say I'm crazy, but yes, I'm thankful.

Because of that, I've began recovering my focus on the things that are right. Not only on God, but also on the real things that I want in a relationship.

Sounds ironic, but sometimes you need to understand that wounds take time to heal. Some longer than others, and some heal less effectively than others.

And this is the time where I smack my head and say, "Man, what was I thinking?! Wait...I wasn't thinking at all. That was incredibly stupid of me. How could I have been so shallow and missed out what I really wanted?"

The same silly trap that most teenagers actually fall into when they want a relationship - Basing everything on feelings, on what they THINK they want rather than what they really want and what they can handle. I can elaborate on this more, but that's a topic for another time.

Oh, and I think it's pretty silly to get angry with God over failed relationships or failed prospects.

The bottom line is, I'm not interested.

Yes, sometimes I do think of prospects, but on the whole, I'm not interested. Not especially if I'm unprepared and not when I'm not thinking straight. More than that, not especially when we don't have the same kind of love for God. 


I'll stop here....And to those who have been following my blog despite the lack of activity and interesting stuff....

Long time no see.

And to those who stumbled and actually bothered to stay and see what the heck's going on here...

Nice to meet you.

Appreciation

How often do you hear others say this?

"I do this for him, then something else for her. I've been helping people here and there. You would think people were more grateful and at least have a word of thanks or a reaction, but what do I get from most of them? Nothing! Sometimes I even get scolded for it!"


Note the word "most".

It is something I can attest to, that most people don't appreciate what you do for them, or at least it feels like they don't.

Being someone who has served in church as an usher, I can attest to that.

Putting numbers to the concept to make it more concrete, let's say (for example) that 8 out of 10 people that you come across in everyday life don't show any form of appreciation or are lacking in it for a good deed you have done for them. (For me, the context of church reduces that number to 4 or 5). Sometimes they don't even react to it.

And thus, the 'most' factor takes our attention. Maybe it's an attribute of a merit-driven ethnos in various cultures and societies, maybe it's simply a automated human response in measuring everything, that 'most' holds the greatest significance. (Think about excuses students make when they fail a difficult test. "Most of us failed and only a handful passed!" Or supposedly good movies. "Most of the people I talk to say that the movie's phenomenal, so it should be.")

But what if, in this case, it is the LEAST that matters more?

Paradoxical, isn't it? But I think it's true.

Instead of focusing on how most people don't appreciate you, focus on how there were at least a few who did.

So the eight people didn't appreciate you. How about showing some awareness for the two who did?

My dad often told me that whether you are happy or sad, the sun will always rise from the East and set in the West, that the world (in general) moves on whether you cheer or grieve.

"So why not make the most of it? Why not be happy and positive?" (Blessed with a good dad, I am).

Why not look at the positives more and focus less on the negatives, since it's part of the world (and perhaps in your culture) and they are going to happen anyway?

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Recently, as an usher, I moved a tiny step in gaining a better understanding of that concept.

I was tired, of course, having slept late due to insomnia.

At this point, there were two choices I could make - I could either exhibit the 'waking-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed' attitude and just get the tasks done, or I could tell myself to be cheerful and serve God and His people.

This time, I decided that the second choice was the better one, so I decided to think and imagine about how good it was to help others find seats, how good it was to guide them through the halls, how satisfying it would be to see rows and rows of chairs being filled and how 'shiok' it would feel to see the people I welcomed to church jumping, singing and clapping in praise of God.

After which I found it easy, even natural to smile (Note: For me, it often feels like it takes more muscles to smile than frown since I do that often for the past 10 years) and greet people as they stream in through the entrances. As I made the second choice, it mattered little to me that most ignored me with stony looks, or at most nodded in my direction to acknowledge.

If I had made the first choice, I would probably be angry at why I was going out of my way and comfort zone to help them, and they aren't even appreciating it.

But this was the second choice, so I kept on doing everything I can to greet and help newcomers, exemplified by the other leaders I've observed.

To my surprise, I suddenly felt as though that there were actually more people showing appreciation with smiles and return of greetings, though a headcount would probably prove me wrong.

And interestingly, once I went out of my way to help others beyond what I was assigned to do, their thanks felt really good.

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Amazing what a little focus on the least, but positive stuff can do to one's day.

So why not focus on the least in this case?

Acknowledge the negative, but focus on the positive.

THEN you will truly feel appreciated.

Reflections, in them I see dead eyes, in them I see new things.

Look in the mirror...What do you see?

Do you see yourself, or do you see someone else there?

And if you have been doing the latter and suddenly returned to doing the former, ask yourself this - Has that image lost its luster?

I think it has, for me....But it's a good thing. Rather than looking at a desired image of a lie projected onto oneself from someone else, it is better to look at the truth of a dully colored self-portrait of oneself.

I'm not him/her. I'm not what he/she desires. I don't need to meet the expectations of him/her, as long as I'm comfortable with myself and comfortable in my own skin.

Sometimes it takes courage to admit you were wrong or have been foolish. At others, humility.

I don't think I'm that courageous nor that humble, but at least I try to do what seems right, and admitting my faults seem just about the right thing, especially when nasty little thoughts creep in to tell you that you should be getting more out of this.

But no more. It's gone, and it will NEVER be welcome again....As are those thoughts. That's when you realise that sometimes...SOMETIMES, in order to uproot the bad stuff, you run the risk of pulling up some good things as well.

And it's gone.

Is there someone to blame? Of course....Myself. I let myself get into the situation. I let myself be unprepared and let myself get hurt. This foolishness is a product of my own, therefore I have to bear the consequences.

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On another note, it feels strange, worrying even, that I'm suddenly focusing on romantic pairings more than ever.

True, since I started watching anime and got acquainted with this 'fan-shipping' of a couple in the shows, there was quite a bit of focus on relationships.

But I'm getting concerned at my sudden re-ignition of the love for fan-shipping again. Frankly, it scares me a little.

Still, had some interesting reads on relationship analysis between various pairings, and found it enlightening to note who are the serious fans, and those who aren't.

Example 1: Fan A of Coupling A writes a freakin' MANIFESTO (In other words, an essay that would put most mediocre university students like me to shame) that analyses the relationship between Anime Guy and Anime Girl, as well as put forth points and evidence to discuss the possibilities and dismiss the other couplings in a diplomatic way.

Example 2: Fan B of Coupling B declares his/her (usually her, I think...But you never know with the Internet and the anonymity it provides) hatred for Coupling A, uses skewed reasoning with little basis behind it to provide 'evidence' of Coupling B, and says Anime Girl in Coupling A should - As quoted from hundreds of comments - "Just Die - No offense intended. :-)" (Again, taken directly from one particular quote that got me irritated).

By the way, if you couldn't tell, I'm a supporter of Coupling A in Bleach. I'll leave you (whoever you are - if there is anyone still reading this) to guess who they are. Heh~

Interesting to see the dynamics behind fan support, don't you think? It's fun to see people get so worked up over something that isn't real, but at the same time all this flaming, trolling, analysis and contests....They are all part of the fan experience.

Before you say this is all stupid and silly behavior over cartoons, I could say the same for soccer, basketball, pop idol fans. They all exhibit similarly ridiculous (as in the flaming and swooning -_-) and show passionate behavior (as in the contests and analysis).

And while it is understandable why they support those things they do (for me, it's that Coupling B or C), that doesn't mean it is approved of all the time.

Just like how a  believer's devoted support to a Death Metal band is understandable (possibly because of influences from friends and/or family), but not approved of simply because it isn't good in so many ways.

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There. Said my piece, even if no one reads it. At least I get something off my mind.

And it can be that ignition key, that starting block for me to zoom or sprint down the road or track to start my writing again.

Peace out.

Recovering Iridescence: Page 1

Difficult times.

Difficult issues.

And no, I'm not ashamed to admit it....I stumbled.

Very, very hard.

But I find myself picking the pieces up.

but who hasn't stumbled in their walk, and in their Walk?

The only difference here, though, is that it is so much harder to do so.

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You know the instances where things-bad things-happen, not with one group of people, but with many, many others in a consistent pattern over a period of several years?

It's normal for that one person to think that "Hey, it's fine. Bad things happen to good people all the time, right?"


But it starts getting bad when that one person realises that when he is not in that group, they work very, very well.

And it happens so many times until it seems like that one person thinks that maybe he is the loose gear in the clockwork of the groups he has been in.

Was it truly a coincidence? Maybe I'm the curse to that group? Why does bad things always happen to the people around me when I come or do stuff?


No prizes for guessing who that one person is.

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I feel a little better getting this off my chest.

It hasn't completely disappeared yet, but a timely slap-metaphorically, of course-from a friend and a little reflection has set the train back on track, albeit a little too slowly.

Truth to be told, it still hurts. How could it not?

But healing is coming again.

What another friend said encouraged me a lot - Despite it all, despite everything that has happened, even though I'm literally crawling through this stage of life, at the very least, I'm still crawling.

Every bone cracked, every organ bruised, but still moving.

Every hope (save one) extinguished, every other talent taken away, but still alive.

The wounded soldier is moving back to where it matters, and moving forward to what should await him.

One day, one day....ONE DAY, he shall stand victorious, joy overflowing, talents returned, ready to be promoted for what he has been through and what he has done.

Chronicles of Iridescence, Chapter 116: Better or Worse

Is it better or worse to have someone not talk to you, or to have someone tell you something you don't want to hear?

Time and again, the same cycle repeats itself.

And if it keeps happening, sometimes for supposedly no good reason, the first reaction is to ask, "Why?"

That, is the rational side of me.

On the other hand, there are other voices.

One, unmistakably enticing at one point then condemning and mocking, cannot be mistaken for anything else other than The Enemy.


The other, I would elaborate.

It is...small. Tiny. Sometimes to a point where I can't even hear it.

A small voice that is encouraging, edifying. Egging me on to believe in myself and do things. Telling me that "You can do it" or "You're better than what you think of yourself."

Recently, it's been giving me the idea that I'm actually strong.

.......

Okay, after your laughter subsides, the rationale behind it is simple.

Being through things that may make you so small at times...How many countless times has it been?

Rejection, dejection, depression, disappointment, temptation, guilt.

How many? The voice asks. Not with the tone of a overbearing teacher or parent ready to berate the child, but with a tender tone.

"How many...?" For a dozen seconds or so, I actually seriously went to count it. There was that time I felt utterly rejected after, what, a dozen calls or so without a single reply? There was that time where I felt like totally giving up after failing time and again to shackle an addiction of mine. And the guilt with it - Felt like a weightlifter's barbells! Then there was another-

After a while, I gave up. "Are you kidding? There's too many to count!"

And where are you now?


"Where am I...?" I paused. The question seemed very vague, yet it should be something I know. "What do you mean?"

What do you think? The voice had a bright tint of humor to it and if there was a face to go with it, it will most certainly be smiling at me.

I thought hard, got lost a little here and there, then stumbled upon the answer.

"I'm still...here?"

You're still here.


"I'm still in the race."

Indeed you are.


"I'm still coming back to Him despite everything that has happened."

As many times as you needed and wanted.


"But how?"

Have you ever considered the notion that you might actually be strong?


"Huh?"

Have you ever considered that it was I who took away what you have and let things happen so you can be who you want to be and do what you always wanted to do?


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Up till now, though, I still have difficulty believing that concept, despite the undeniable conviction from the voice. Despite the encouragement and edification from friends.

Am I actually strong?

I don't know....And I don't think I really am.

And the revelation that bad stuff is happening, and that I'm actually a lesser person that who I was before I met Him....

Difficult to swallow, isn't it?

The ultimate question came: Was this for the better or for the worse that I knew something like that?

Some, I imagine, would have turned to rationality. Some would have turned to knowledge. Others simply turn away.

And these are all things I have done before, which is to say that none of these are permanent.


I'm injured. Battered, bruised, beleaguered, crippled sometimes in the body and sometimes in the mind. Adding to the fact that the very one you wholly trusted tells you that He took away what you have for a good reason unknown to you...

It.....is for the better.

Because He has spoken. Because He has always loved me.

And because I am here.

Because I am alive.

And I truly hope that no matter what, the people who have gotten far (no matter the 'distance') from Him will return.

Return...and cast their cares upon Him.

Return, and sing with joy.

Chronicles of Iridescence, Chapter 115: Reminiscing Blues

Been tired throughout the whole week. Something to do with dark thoughts and grey moods, I suspect, considering that I have dreams of the similar nature, of the same topic over and over whenever I try to sleep early.

And then it becomes a habit to sleep late.

Recently, those thoughts keep coming back.

What if I had been able to grab hold of the opportunities?

What if I had been more aware?

What if I had been bolder and more willing - despite the twists in my personality - to step forward and break through the walls, perhaps even a little forcefully but confidently?

What if I had went ahead?

What if.....?

Damn it....Too many 'what ifs'.

It's difficult to let the past lie, considering how you were given affirmation and then....Nothing.

Sometimes making a decision and carrying it out are two different things.

Maybe it will be as the saying goes, that 'Time will heal old wounds'.

But if there's a way to simply wipe everything away....As much as I hate to say it...

So be it.