Appreciation

How often do you hear others say this?

"I do this for him, then something else for her. I've been helping people here and there. You would think people were more grateful and at least have a word of thanks or a reaction, but what do I get from most of them? Nothing! Sometimes I even get scolded for it!"


Note the word "most".

It is something I can attest to, that most people don't appreciate what you do for them, or at least it feels like they don't.

Being someone who has served in church as an usher, I can attest to that.

Putting numbers to the concept to make it more concrete, let's say (for example) that 8 out of 10 people that you come across in everyday life don't show any form of appreciation or are lacking in it for a good deed you have done for them. (For me, the context of church reduces that number to 4 or 5). Sometimes they don't even react to it.

And thus, the 'most' factor takes our attention. Maybe it's an attribute of a merit-driven ethnos in various cultures and societies, maybe it's simply a automated human response in measuring everything, that 'most' holds the greatest significance. (Think about excuses students make when they fail a difficult test. "Most of us failed and only a handful passed!" Or supposedly good movies. "Most of the people I talk to say that the movie's phenomenal, so it should be.")

But what if, in this case, it is the LEAST that matters more?

Paradoxical, isn't it? But I think it's true.

Instead of focusing on how most people don't appreciate you, focus on how there were at least a few who did.

So the eight people didn't appreciate you. How about showing some awareness for the two who did?

My dad often told me that whether you are happy or sad, the sun will always rise from the East and set in the West, that the world (in general) moves on whether you cheer or grieve.

"So why not make the most of it? Why not be happy and positive?" (Blessed with a good dad, I am).

Why not look at the positives more and focus less on the negatives, since it's part of the world (and perhaps in your culture) and they are going to happen anyway?

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Recently, as an usher, I moved a tiny step in gaining a better understanding of that concept.

I was tired, of course, having slept late due to insomnia.

At this point, there were two choices I could make - I could either exhibit the 'waking-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed' attitude and just get the tasks done, or I could tell myself to be cheerful and serve God and His people.

This time, I decided that the second choice was the better one, so I decided to think and imagine about how good it was to help others find seats, how good it was to guide them through the halls, how satisfying it would be to see rows and rows of chairs being filled and how 'shiok' it would feel to see the people I welcomed to church jumping, singing and clapping in praise of God.

After which I found it easy, even natural to smile (Note: For me, it often feels like it takes more muscles to smile than frown since I do that often for the past 10 years) and greet people as they stream in through the entrances. As I made the second choice, it mattered little to me that most ignored me with stony looks, or at most nodded in my direction to acknowledge.

If I had made the first choice, I would probably be angry at why I was going out of my way and comfort zone to help them, and they aren't even appreciating it.

But this was the second choice, so I kept on doing everything I can to greet and help newcomers, exemplified by the other leaders I've observed.

To my surprise, I suddenly felt as though that there were actually more people showing appreciation with smiles and return of greetings, though a headcount would probably prove me wrong.

And interestingly, once I went out of my way to help others beyond what I was assigned to do, their thanks felt really good.

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Amazing what a little focus on the least, but positive stuff can do to one's day.

So why not focus on the least in this case?

Acknowledge the negative, but focus on the positive.

THEN you will truly feel appreciated.

Reflections, in them I see dead eyes, in them I see new things.

Look in the mirror...What do you see?

Do you see yourself, or do you see someone else there?

And if you have been doing the latter and suddenly returned to doing the former, ask yourself this - Has that image lost its luster?

I think it has, for me....But it's a good thing. Rather than looking at a desired image of a lie projected onto oneself from someone else, it is better to look at the truth of a dully colored self-portrait of oneself.

I'm not him/her. I'm not what he/she desires. I don't need to meet the expectations of him/her, as long as I'm comfortable with myself and comfortable in my own skin.

Sometimes it takes courage to admit you were wrong or have been foolish. At others, humility.

I don't think I'm that courageous nor that humble, but at least I try to do what seems right, and admitting my faults seem just about the right thing, especially when nasty little thoughts creep in to tell you that you should be getting more out of this.

But no more. It's gone, and it will NEVER be welcome again....As are those thoughts. That's when you realise that sometimes...SOMETIMES, in order to uproot the bad stuff, you run the risk of pulling up some good things as well.

And it's gone.

Is there someone to blame? Of course....Myself. I let myself get into the situation. I let myself be unprepared and let myself get hurt. This foolishness is a product of my own, therefore I have to bear the consequences.

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On another note, it feels strange, worrying even, that I'm suddenly focusing on romantic pairings more than ever.

True, since I started watching anime and got acquainted with this 'fan-shipping' of a couple in the shows, there was quite a bit of focus on relationships.

But I'm getting concerned at my sudden re-ignition of the love for fan-shipping again. Frankly, it scares me a little.

Still, had some interesting reads on relationship analysis between various pairings, and found it enlightening to note who are the serious fans, and those who aren't.

Example 1: Fan A of Coupling A writes a freakin' MANIFESTO (In other words, an essay that would put most mediocre university students like me to shame) that analyses the relationship between Anime Guy and Anime Girl, as well as put forth points and evidence to discuss the possibilities and dismiss the other couplings in a diplomatic way.

Example 2: Fan B of Coupling B declares his/her (usually her, I think...But you never know with the Internet and the anonymity it provides) hatred for Coupling A, uses skewed reasoning with little basis behind it to provide 'evidence' of Coupling B, and says Anime Girl in Coupling A should - As quoted from hundreds of comments - "Just Die - No offense intended. :-)" (Again, taken directly from one particular quote that got me irritated).

By the way, if you couldn't tell, I'm a supporter of Coupling A in Bleach. I'll leave you (whoever you are - if there is anyone still reading this) to guess who they are. Heh~

Interesting to see the dynamics behind fan support, don't you think? It's fun to see people get so worked up over something that isn't real, but at the same time all this flaming, trolling, analysis and contests....They are all part of the fan experience.

Before you say this is all stupid and silly behavior over cartoons, I could say the same for soccer, basketball, pop idol fans. They all exhibit similarly ridiculous (as in the flaming and swooning -_-) and show passionate behavior (as in the contests and analysis).

And while it is understandable why they support those things they do (for me, it's that Coupling B or C), that doesn't mean it is approved of all the time.

Just like how a  believer's devoted support to a Death Metal band is understandable (possibly because of influences from friends and/or family), but not approved of simply because it isn't good in so many ways.

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There. Said my piece, even if no one reads it. At least I get something off my mind.

And it can be that ignition key, that starting block for me to zoom or sprint down the road or track to start my writing again.

Peace out.