Look in the mirror...What do you see?
Do you see yourself, or do you see someone else there?
And if you have been doing the latter and suddenly returned to doing the former, ask yourself this - Has that image lost its luster?
I think it has, for me....But it's a good thing. Rather than looking at a desired image of a lie projected onto oneself from someone else, it is better to look at the truth of a dully colored self-portrait of oneself.
I'm not him/her. I'm not what he/she desires. I don't need to meet the expectations of him/her, as long as I'm comfortable with myself and comfortable in my own skin.
Sometimes it takes courage to admit you were wrong or have been foolish. At others, humility.
I don't think I'm that courageous nor that humble, but at least I try to do what seems right, and admitting my faults seem just about the right thing, especially when nasty little thoughts creep in to tell you that you should be getting more out of this.
But no more. It's gone, and it will NEVER be welcome again....As are those thoughts. That's when you realise that sometimes...SOMETIMES, in order to uproot the bad stuff, you run the risk of pulling up some good things as well.
And it's gone.
Is there someone to blame? Of course....Myself. I let myself get into the situation. I let myself be unprepared and let myself get hurt. This foolishness is a product of my own, therefore I have to bear the consequences.
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On another note, it feels strange, worrying even, that I'm suddenly focusing on romantic pairings more than ever.
True, since I started watching anime and got acquainted with this 'fan-shipping' of a couple in the shows, there was quite a bit of focus on relationships.
But I'm getting concerned at my sudden re-ignition of the love for fan-shipping again. Frankly, it scares me a little.
Still, had some interesting reads on relationship analysis between various pairings, and found it enlightening to note who are the serious fans, and those who aren't.
Example 1: Fan A of Coupling A writes a freakin' MANIFESTO (In other words, an essay that would put most mediocre university students like me to shame) that analyses the relationship between Anime Guy and Anime Girl, as well as put forth points and evidence to discuss the possibilities and dismiss the other couplings in a diplomatic way.
Example 2: Fan B of Coupling B declares his/her (usually her, I think...But you never know with the Internet and the anonymity it provides) hatred for Coupling A, uses skewed reasoning with little basis behind it to provide 'evidence' of Coupling B, and says Anime Girl in Coupling A should - As quoted from hundreds of comments - "Just Die - No offense intended. :-)" (Again, taken directly from one particular quote that got me irritated).
By the way, if you couldn't tell, I'm a supporter of Coupling A in Bleach. I'll leave you (whoever you are - if there is anyone still reading this) to guess who they are. Heh~
Interesting to see the dynamics behind fan support, don't you think? It's fun to see people get so worked up over something that isn't real, but at the same time all this flaming, trolling, analysis and contests....They are all part of the fan experience.
Before you say this is all stupid and silly behavior over cartoons, I could say the same for soccer, basketball, pop idol fans. They all exhibit similarly ridiculous (as in the flaming and swooning -_-) and show passionate behavior (as in the contests and analysis).
And while it is understandable why they support those things they do (for me, it's that Coupling B or C), that doesn't mean it is approved of all the time.
Just like how a believer's devoted support to a Death Metal band is understandable (possibly because of influences from friends and/or family), but not approved of simply because it isn't good in so many ways.
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There. Said my piece, even if no one reads it. At least I get something off my mind.
And it can be that ignition key, that starting block for me to zoom or sprint down the road or track to start my writing again.
Peace out.
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