Nothing seems to work.
Bad things don't ever seem to end at all.
Good things don't ever seem to come at all.
It's not like X always knows what to do.
It's not like X is as indomitable as he seems.
But X knows, there are people who will judge him even before they ask.
there are people who seem to be friends of X, but remain silent in times of need.
Perhaps X himself is inconsequential, such that everything he has done so far feels inconsequential.
Or perhaps not so, but simply a tiny cog in the gear of the big picture.
Used for a season, then thrown away because it no longer has any use.
Yet X himself isn't vulnerable to the same value judgments others make not just upon him, but also on others.
What can X think when he seems the other cogs fit so nicely and running so smoothly with one another, and his own teeth, no matter how hard he tries to modify them, just doesn't fit?
Maybe X doesn't belong here.
Or maybe X "isn't trying hard enough."
X snorts derisively, because no one tries hard enough either to understand.
Or perhaps because X has tried too hard, he's making such an assumption that others would care enough, too.
Which doesn't really seem to be the case for X.
-------------------
"Why not leave? This place...These places that you never felt like you belong. The setups that always seem to leave you out of something?"
X has contemplated that, time and again, but Hope persuaded him time and again.
Even though X doesn't seem to be doing anything right.
Even though there isn't even a single milestone in sight for his greatest hopes and dreams.
Time and again, he resists Voice. He rejects him, even gets into the usual fights X has with him.
Even though X comes out battered and bruised most of the time, he still stays.
But now, Voice assails him again with weapons.
And X contemplates once more, whether its time to move on and out of the system.
Make no mistake: X wants to be strong, but he knows he isn't.
X wants to become a better, more STABLE cog, but sees little to no result.
X is tired.
But maybe, after all that, no one really cares. Not even the cogs closest to X.
Some seem to think X is strong and can handle this, or he needs to handle every single thing alone.
Some probably misunderstand X's ideals, actions and words that nothing can or should be done.
Other just don't seem to care.
And Hope?
When X looks at himself - this insignificant little cog with average teeth, with a dusty surface. so many cracks to mend, so many things to do.
Yet every other cog is moving in their gears. No one is slowing down just to help X realise what a good cog he might actually be.
No one will wait for X.
X knows its the proper, yet cruel truth about the System, however good it seems. Everyone are cogs after all, and they are made to be like this.
X is thankful to those who slowed down a little just to help him, but even they move on.
But at the end, when X stops, he can't see anything, hear anything.
No one seems to be beside but the Voice, who continues to hit him while he is down.
Where is the Operator?
Or is he just another small cog, failing to live up to expectations, failing to change into a better cog as compared to the others.
Is he just....
....Inconsequential...?
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