Just had a random thought today.
Humans have great potential. All of us do.
But sometimes it takes just one right move, or one wrong step, and everything changes. Your life can turn into a heaven or a hell based on the decisions you make.
The ironic thing is, sometimes when its the right decision to make, you can't see the fruits that you will bear. When its the wrong step to take, you can't visualise the consequences.
That's the difficult thing about making decisions, and sometimes we don't want to risk it. We prefer staying in the comfort zone and reject most, if not all possibilities because one of them will lead you down a path of irreversible change, mostly for the worse.
And thus, we give up ownership of the potential locked inside us by throwing away the key to the trove of possibilities and dreams.
As it is with most normal people, we go through this routine - go to school, get good or at least acceptable grades, go to good tertiary institutions to further studies, get to the local university, get a degree (nowadays its more acceptable to get Honours), get a stable job, find a good wife/husband, get married, settle down with kids, get a modest flat with a modest car and make sure everything's stable in life.
That was long, wasn't it?
Stability is a good thing, of course.Everyone needs stability. Even the people who base their livelihoods on creative endeavors has to think about stability for their family and their own lives. It's a constant worry for freelancers and a top concern for every single person out there (Unless, of course, you live to cause chaos and havoc).
Therein lies the dilemma.
If you attempt to seek your dreams or try to fulfill your potential, something has to change. When something changes, the tectonic plates under the stability you are standing on start to shift and move and shake you out from your place of comfort, where everything seems constant, stable, predictable.
And boring.
More than that, fulfilling potential or chasing one's dreams can actually give people a purpose in life rather than just passing every single day like every other person on the streets.
It would help if one receives help from the environment they are in, or from the people around them. One good reason why friends who tend to be negative or laugh about your dreams aren't really all that good. Another reason being a stifling environment or one that encourages 'economically sound activities and jobs' over creative endeavors, unless your dream is to be a banker or a manager.
The word 'chasing' or 'taking a step' often implies action, though, and its action that we have to take by ourselves.
Perhaps when we do so, we'll take the subsequent steps, and be able to reach our goal somehow.
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There are times where I just feel so...alone?
No idea why, but it seems like every friendship, every relationship, every apprenticeship I go through...Nothing comes out of it.
Maybe it's really just me. Maybe I'm made that way, to be eccentric, to be alone despite the best efforts to try to interact and mingle with everyone else.
Maybe I'm made to be aloof, apart from most people; to be single throughout my entire life.
Maybe I'm made to be truly alone.
Why do I feel this way? Simple.
There's been talk about why I should be the one to make the first step if I want the change?
Guess what? I did. Plenty of times.
You can guess just how fruitful those efforts were just from my posting here.
To me, there always seems to be this....wall. This barrier that I cannot pass, and others cannot pass through. Somehow the conversation always breaks off. No one's really interested in what I have to say, or what I do, or what I can do.
I guess the ability to socialise makes a huge difference, especially when there are others who can talk so much better. Perform this or that so much better. Look much better. Are more charismatic.
The list goes on.
So I wonder if my trying will actually yield anything....at all.
The only thing that can keep me going, then, is Faith.
Something that can't be seen, nor felt, nor understood.
Maybe that's why I'm still going for this and that right now.
You know, for a better and stronger self, for a relationship, for friendship, for my dream of writing.
Maybe its too far off for me right now, maybe its not.
Who knows? Only by trying can I fall really, really hard, or get it real good.
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