Don't ask why.
It just suddenly feels like there are a lot of things going on right now, all around me. Some even to me.
Thank God I could deal with some of them, but for those that I can't do much about, I feel really...
Hapless.
Like a babe who has yet learned to swim, yet being surrounded by expanses of water. Like a man who knew not the direction, yet being in the midst of a thorny maze. Like the elderly who could not remember where he was, yet had to make his way down the stairs to get the medicine for his heart condition.
Utterly hapless.
I wonder if Edward felt that way when Bella was freezing miserably in the tent during a snowstorm. I wonder if Jacob felt like that as well when all he could do was protect her instead of being the person he wanted to be to Bella. (Both scenarios are from Twilight: Eclipse)
I wonder if I'm feeling as hapless as they did in the movie/novel.
The most pressing issues for me can't be shared, unfortunately, even though this has turned out to be more personal a blog than I intended it to be. There involve not just myself, but also others. Things that I have sworn (okay, maybe not that drastic, more like promise...) secrecy to cannot be revealed, though a few people others might know about it and perhaps are concerned in their own way.
Not worried, no...Because time and again I've always decided that things will turn out fine, somehow. I'm just concerned, and even more so when I realise that despite what I feel, I can't do much, even if I really, really want to. I'm not in the situation where I can do much.
Ultimately, I guess it's up to God, and the people involved. Decisions must be made. As it was mentioned earlier this week, Self Renewal is needed before everything can fall in place. I just hope that this might somehow help people to do that, or perhaps even to encourage them, even though the cynical voices would snort and say, "Who are you kidding? No one's reading this?"
But I believe that somehow my efforts and feelings can be transmitted to the people who might need them. I've been encouraged, helped and edified.
Just want to do the same for everyone. For them. For you.
After all, it's really better to give than to receive, and I firmly believe in being blessed to be a blessing, in whatever way possible.
If my or any other people's human efforts fail, then gotta wait patiently for to God move. Mightily. Refreshing, renewing and restoring you and you and you and I.
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