I flunked them all about how to give up.
Not sure how most people would take this, but it feels positive to me for some reason. This could possibly be one of the first times I ever felt positive about failing at all!
In all honesty, not giving up can go both ways. There are certain things that are probably better off given up, while there are others that aren't. It's not easy to differentiate though, and that's where the ear-pulling, chair-standing and hand-smacking with the ruler comes in.
In the education system of the present, most parents would consider it horrific torture to have their sons and daughters treated this way as though they were prisoners enclosed in a deceptively disguised jail decorated with nice creeds and colorful banners highlighting the achievements of the place, and immediately summon their voices of reason to deal with the insidious interrogators in order to free their beloved children from the clutches of evil.
....Alright, I'm sorry. I just have a penchant for exaggerated stories. But it's fun though...Just that most people can't understand the entertainment behind it. Maybe that's why most writers are misunderstood to be aloof, cold people who prefer to coop themselves up in a cabin high up on the Himalayas to write page after page of nonsensical jargon with-horrors of all horrors-a 17th century quill.
Exaggeration AND digression aside, the lesson on giving up is a hard one. Sometimes we think there's no turning back, and walk the wrong way. Sometimes we give it up, only to discover if we had hung on a little more, just a little more.
Interestingly, there were many times I felt like giving up, and it so happened that when I was feel like that that I saw a tweet from a friend that said something like this:
"When you feel like giving up, remember what and why you hold on for so long in the first place."
That struck me hard, and every now and then you need this kind of things to strike you really hard - sometimes physically, if necessary - to make sure you wake up and return to what you originally fought for for so long. And that was the second hook that woke me up.
The first one, of course, being someone close to me reminding me that I had, in a way, outlasted some to be where I am today. The effort I put in was for a purpose or a goal, and in a way such a time of encouragement told me that I had, in times of uncertainty and trouble, let it slip slightly from my grasp.
Thankfully I got hold of it again, though I might have committed some mistakes today...
But still, at least I'm on the right track. Doubts are still fresh. Rather, they always come back, but at least there's a reassurance so great that I cannot help but weep in joy and disbelief, only to accept that it had to be real. The details are a little intimate, so let's stop here until I allow anyone past my boundaries.
Not that I don't trust people. I do...Which is why I only say some things to certain people, because I know they will keep their word and keep the silence till the time is right to speak or let others know, at their own discretion. Secondly, it feels as though they would understand it better too.
But if you don't ask, then....If there's no first step, how can there be a second?
In His case, it's no longer a ruler. It's a rod. A thick one. Silly as it seems, I'm thankful for the thickness of it, else my stubborn, "He-hor-ing" (complaining) nature would never have seen a change.
Despite the reassurances, I still feel somewhat down, but at least it's just temporary. The hurt has to come. The suffering I have to bear, if for the sake of becoming what I want to be, and what He wants me to be.
It's the moulding process, but I feel like I'm on the verge of something, because the flames from the furnace is already torching my ass. It's going to be real hot when I go into the fire then.
But maybe at that time I can learn how to read the providential activity of God.
I can come forth as a gold vessel, ready to accept the oil and the wine.
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