It's interesting to note that while we don't know most of the time why certain things happen, there's a pattern to them.
It so happens, though, that the pattern is rather...lopsided for me right now.
For God, the blessing usually comes after a long period of barrenness.
Things don't happen at all during these times. Nothing seems to work. Dreams and visions are taken away or blurred (as is the case currently), prayers don't feel as though they were being answered. People ignore you, your effects go unrecognized and worse still, sometimes it doesn't even seem to matter if you try at all or not while at others, it seems like you moved forward a little, and suddenly, you're abruptly back to square one. Sometimes no matter what you do, it just isn't good enough. It just doesn't work.
But after that, the blessing rains down upon you.
Changes, no matter how minute, occur. Things that place you closer to the next level start falling into place, even though square one still doesn't seem so far behind. You start feeling that the prayers are heard. You start seeing old and new dreams and visions, some of them with modifications that cannot be explained by the human mind and logic. Suddenly you realise that people have been taking notice of you, just that they don't really speak out. But when they do, you feel so, so encouraged and loved.
Conversely, the Devil also attempts to work the same way.
Right after a bout of blessing, or after a dream is given, or after hope is renewed, he always attempts to put doubt. Is this really what you want? Are you sure you efforts are going to bear any fruition? Look at this person! He doesn't even answer you! Look at that person! She isn't even interested in you! Look at yourself! You call yourself a Christian? A human? How little you are, and yet you still attempt to take on so many things beyond your capabilities?
Give it up!
In both situations, the things said are different. It is sometimes difficult to identify which is the trial, and which is the doubt....Though the ultimate difference seems to be the traces of accusation found in either.
Trials have little accusations, while Doubt is obviously full of it.
Sometimes you are met with silence in Trials. Met with your own doubts about the abilities you have to fulfill certain things or pass certain trials or attain certain...dreams. But ultimately there is no prevalent, accusatory voice in all those.
Having been through tumultous times and looking back at them, before losing control, there would always be accusations abound.
And though God is good, the trials come hard and fast too....Perhaps because I prayed for it, and He gave it to me.
Just not directly.
Moulding takes time. Moulding takes effort. Moulding requires sacrifice and pain and discomfort to be felt.
And I'm actually thankful for that moulding right now...Even though it hurts sometimes.
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