As swiftly as it came, it went.
Wonderful feeling, isn't it...To have anger completely taken out of your system. God simply does these things so well sometimes that I didn't even know it was Him until I woke up from the nightmare I've trapped myself in.
It was somewhat comforting to know some people cared. Even if it was token, even if it was but a mere question, the bitterness did not subside completely. Where were the people whom I talked and laughed with? People I shared my innermost thoughts with? Why did it boil down only to those few who I don't talk with on a regular basis?
One quote from a friend that had nothing to do with this struck me then: "It doesn't take much to know who your true friends are."
So very tempted to put this into my context, but then again, I realise I probably don't have any true friends to start with. At least, not at the moment. Yet I still believe that aside from God, someone genuinely cares. I still believe that somehow, the certain people that I desire for to talk to or console me, or even be concerned in the slightest bit would do so.
Naive, isn't it? NOW you can laugh.
I'm not out of the woods yet, but it feels like the worst is over...Only for blues to set in.
It's one thing for others to call you a loser. It's another to realise that they don't have to do so for you to realise you are one. Literally. To be honest, I've never felt superior to anyone, least of all to people who are close to me. Green is a wonderful color, but not when it comes with a certain negative emotion. It irks me, because no one else is to blame. I was made like this through social pressures, self-delusion/loathing and the words spoken to me by the people around me. It's good to be sensitive, but not overly so, apparently.
And so the Crimson fades, but the Azure remains, though now I strongly believe it would not be for long, now that I have picked myself up once again despite being battered, bruised and almost torn asunder emotionally.
Keep the Dream alive.
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