Well, that isn't always possible, even if we want that positive feeling to remain throughout our lives.
Frankly speaking, I doubt anyone would want to remain negative throughout their entire lives, but the world's just like that: Always putting you down, screwing around with your emotions and feelings, putting doubt into your hearts and kicking you while you're down. Hard. Sometimes you can't really put all the blame on the pessimists and people severely lacking in self-confidence for trying to see through their shoes or burn a hole in the group a la Superman Laser Eyes.
And that's just it. For me at least.
Keeping myself positive was a difficult task: Limping around with an injured elbow, knee and ankle ligament didn't exactly do wonders for my image. A shockingly disappointing test score for my Social Psychology of New Media module hammered my confidence a little bit more, and the knowledge that my last presentation and project of the semester wasn't exactly done added another nail in the coffin. I was still fine up to this point, of course.
Till the moment I looked at the games done by my other module...mates? Colleagues? Fellow-sufferers in arms? (I personally like the last one, actually.)
Which led me to tell my friend that "Game Design is not for someone to build their self-confidence." Especially not students like me with little expertise in game software, graphics design and creativity.
It was at this point that I doubted again. Will I always be second best? Is there something that I can actually be better at than most people? More than that, why am I always a step later than someone else, that the opportunity I want is lost seemingly forever, that the people I want to reach out to draw away from me and closer to others?
It very, very tempting to fall into depression again as the injury and pain worsened, though it was the pain to my heart that hurt me more. I could have easily said, "Alright, I'm screwed. Let's just give up, get away, toss my visions, dreams and desires away and live like one of those factory workers". I could have hung up my boots without even stepping onto the soccer field. But I didn't.
I couldn't. Too many things to hope for and to give up on. Too many things that I had been promised and yet to see fulfilled. There was NO WAY I'm giving up, even if my dreams seem like millions of light years worth of distance and effort away. It will be like having a passionate, hot-blood nerd wanting to join the badminton team then giving up immediately because he didn't "look cool enough" or "looked like an idiot when playing sports."
It takes effort, but I had to pull myself back to positive thinking and as the Book says, to "be still". Prayer was fulfilling after that and I learned some important things all over again.
1.) When you like something or love someone, it isn't about you all the time. It's about that person, about how he/she is happy. Caring for him/her because you want to be his/her significant other isn't wrong, but we shouldn't do it to boost our egos and feel as though we had done something to deserve such a relationship.
Sometimes we need to learn to stop saying "What about me...?" at certain points in our lives and be totally contrite in our desire to care for the people you love. Helping purely because you believe that it's good for them and that you truly care, not because you feel good about impressing her/him.
2.) Sacrifice is so important sometimes, but we always forget when we live in a 'me' world. It's always 'my' time, 'my' comfort, 'my' issues. Everyone is guilty of that (Unless you're the Son, of course), but that doesn't mean it's inherently wrong. The question we should ask is: How much are we talking about ourselves and throwing aside the things concerning others?
I'm no saint, but frankly speaking, it feels like I'm starting to get it when it comes to sacrifice. Even if it hurts due to doubt, even if it tears my heart apart. All I can do is obey the King when He tells me to sacrifice.
3.) Dreams aren't made in reality. That's why they are called dreams. You bring them to reality.
Sometimes circumstances play a huge part, but in the end it is we who make our own dreams come true. As much as the King has set our destinies aside for us, we decide whether our dreams live or die. No matter how tough, no matter how long the road is and no matter how many times we come out "second best" or even third best, the only thing that can aid us is the hope that someday we'll be able to attain that dream.
Feel like giving up? Of course, especially when the going gets tough. Everyone will feel like throwing in the towel at some point in time. Everyone. The difference is made when you make the decision to keep on keeping on (as one of my favorite people loves to say) despite the circumstances. Despite the objection and rejection Despite it being the most unpopular thing to do.
Even as adults or people who have taken more steps on the path of society, we should learn to keep dreaming and keep learning. I've about a dozen things I want to learn. Take up Korean and Japanese languages, learn to drive, learn to ride a bicycle, learn personal grooming, learn to be more loving, learn to cook...
So many things, so little time.
But I can't possibly give up everything, can I? It's my decision, and this is where I-or rather, we should start again as a hot-blooded, passionate fool who tosses a certain degree of dignity away just to try our best to attain our dreams.
This is where I try once again to be the little boy who dreamed of being a really good school team player for his badminton team. Hot-blooded, passionate, remembering my dreams and forgetting my limitations.
Well, most of them anyway.
And here's where I leave off with an interesting OP from the Japanese anime Eureka 7:
Lovely little song about lost memories and dreams and getting them back. Enjoy.
*Due to some silly technical difficulties, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0StCFKEChU
Lyrics below courtesy of Gendou.com:
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
I wrote "dreams for the future" in that space on the paper, how many years have passed since then?
The gap between reality and ideals shook, the flames of passion disappeared
Hold on! Ho...hold on!
It's a battle from now on, put it up! put it up!
When I give up, it's game over
Will you plow through the present state that's in your hand?
Do you remember? Once upon a time
You certainly gave all of your strength to faint hopes
You lived for tomorrow
Haven't you forgotten about those feelings somewhere?
There's no time period for the springtime of youth, I don't think the number of years have
anything to do with the spirit of inquiry
Isn't that right?
We wanna make the dream come true
In short...
Make it bloom, make it bloom, make it bloom, make the flower of passion bloom
Make it bloom, make it bloom, make it bloom...
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
"One day I definitely, definitely, definitely will too..."
When I immerse myself in those thoughts, it will definitely end
Pretending to squeeze out some innocent courage, awaken the passion of a child's mind
From when I was a boy, a young man, to the middle aged, I'm still now into something
Shining, yeah, that's what I do
Like challenger, yeah!!
Where does one go from a child to an adult?", I think about that
Which am I??
For how long have you decided to shut yourself up
In the shell of the public?
You ask yourself that in the mirror
"That's not how it is anymore"
Even if the shapes of my dreams change, they should still shine, forever
Look for them, look for them, look for them, look for the pieces of your dreams
Look for them, look for them, look for them
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
What should I do? What can I do like this?
I don't know what I want to do
I believe there's never too late
It's not too late, even though it's just the beginning
The possibilities are infinite
The power to change tomorrow depends upon you
So search for it, make it bloom, make the flower of passion bloom
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
I wrote "dreams for the future" in that space on the paper, how many years have passed since then?
The gap between reality and ideals shook, the flames of passion disappeared
Hold on! Ho...hold on!
It's a battle from now on, put it up! put it up!
When I give up, it's game over
Will you plow through the present state that's in your hand?
Do you remember? Once upon a time
You certainly gave all of your strength to faint hopes
You lived for tomorrow
Haven't you forgotten about those feelings somewhere?
There's no time period for the springtime of youth, I don't think the number of years have
anything to do with the spirit of inquiry
Isn't that right?
We wanna make the dream come true
In short...
Make it bloom, make it bloom, make it bloom, make the flower of passion bloom
Make it bloom, make it bloom, make it bloom...
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
"One day I definitely, definitely, definitely will too..."
When I immerse myself in those thoughts, it will definitely end
Pretending to squeeze out some innocent courage, awaken the passion of a child's mind
From when I was a boy, a young man, to the middle aged, I'm still now into something
Shining, yeah, that's what I do
Like challenger, yeah!!
Where does one go from a child to an adult?", I think about that
Which am I??
For how long have you decided to shut yourself up
In the shell of the public?
You ask yourself that in the mirror
"That's not how it is anymore"
Even if the shapes of my dreams change, they should still shine, forever
Look for them, look for them, look for them, look for the pieces of your dreams
Look for them, look for them, look for them
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
What should I do? What can I do like this?
I don't know what I want to do
I believe there's never too late
It's not too late, even though it's just the beginning
The possibilities are infinite
The power to change tomorrow depends upon you
So search for it, make it bloom, make the flower of passion bloom
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
Do you remember melody I used to hum
(Back in the days)
All of my memories are beginning to shine (so)
You gotta remember, even now the pieces of dreams are in your hand
Like back then (come on!)
A boy's heart that fires off light
Till Next Time. =)
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