Love and Death

Yess...Finally, a more positive post!

Before anyone goes off on a tangent about this being centered around some tragic love story like Romeo & Juliet, let me reiterate that both are for something good.

Throughout the entire week, I've been wondering about Love and its lesser alternate self, the Infatuation. I've been thinking about the different forms of love shown for various people and realised that despite all the romance novels we read, all the fanshippings we support and all that ra-ra whenever it comes to Valentine's Day or St. White's Day, it all boils down to one thing.

We all have A LOT to learn about love, no matter who we are.

Every day is a new learning opportunity, especially when you find that you can't forgive this friend who stood you up more times than a Math major can count. When this person you want to speak to acts differently, speaks differently and behaves differently from others. When you realise that you were the idiot who has been dragging down your entire project team all the time and feel really guilty about it.

Face it...It's not just neither about just hearts and roses nor sweet dates and grand weddings. It's about almost everything in your world.

Recently I've assessed myself about Love and was found wanting. There was so much lack that it seemed like the hearts of some people became a bottomless well or even an arid desert: It was impossible to pour rivers of affection or care for them sometimes. Sometimes you just look at it, shake your head and give up the ghost.

Everyone has moments like this, I think. So what makes me any different?

Nothing.

Nothing at all. Everyone faces such moments. Everyone goes through ups and downs and merry-go-rounds. Everyone faces obstacles in attempting to love one another. Everyone, at some point, find it a fool's errand to look for Love and consulted celibacy successfully. Some found it, took it in their arms, loosened their grip and lose it. Others proved a little more successful, always grasping and searching until they got a good grip on the little heart with wings.

Sad to say, I haven't, and it looks like the heart might well be fluttering away for reasons not known. Despite the amount of belief I poured into it. For the first time ever. And I thought that with such fervency, I would attain it somehow.

Bleak, bleak prospects.

But again, the human heart plays us for the fool. We always doubt, finding excuses to think that things won't turn out right. We're always wondering about whether we can really attain that blessing since it seemed so unreal, that something like that has not happened for the past 20 odd years. How is it possible that it happens to us now?

Not many have successfully turned the tide of pessimism to win a delightful victory over it. The Son is, of course, one of them. Naturally, I aim to be in this group as well. No matter how bleak the prospects seem, no matter how thick the mist of uncertainty is in my path, that sliver of light at the end of the road is all I can cling on to.

If He is for me, who can be against me?

Then I realise that change needs to come too. What am I lacking? A heart of love: pure, innocent, sacrificial, enduring. I'm working on that, but in the process, something must go.

Something must Die.

The blemishes on an otherwise clean slate that the King has given me time and time again; the cracks on a perfectly polished marble surface; the stains on that spotless white suit that cost you a grand.

The darkness in your otherwise willing and righteous (contestable for me still) heart.

That is the Death I'm talking about and as long as it lives, I shall allow the King to be the harbringer of death in such things.

Then will I possibly, like a dove, bring peace to my own heart and love to others. Instead of always thinking how I should be attaining love, I would hopefully now think how the person I love, the people I love can be happy, even without me.

Long and hard road filled with hurt, pain and suffering. But I guess....that's the way it is. Unless my King blesses me unexpectedly again, of course.

Not that I'd mind a surprise birthday present.