The Schizophrenic Chameleon

Change.

A simple six-letter word consisting of four consonants and two vowels, yet so very meaningful. Such a small word, but with big meaning behind it.

Sometime today, I suddenly asked myself: Why do some of us change? Why do some of us hate change? Why do we give up halfway when we want to change?

The answer should be familiar. We strive to take a different route because the same old route is "BOOOOORING!" (youths). We want to be radical (new age musicians). We want a better life (disgruntled employee). We want to be free (a certain famous killer whale).

Simply put, we are unhappy with our circumstances.

Ever wondered, then, why some people don't change?

Aside from the customary AND judgmental answer of "Because they are lazy" or "Because they are too passive), I would think that change signifies stepping into unfamiliar territory. Once you are there, sometimes your compass stops working. Sometimes a mist forms, shrouding your road ahead with mystery and uncertainty. Sometimes a storm brews, throwing you back and forth till you wonder - while clinging on to someone else's laundry line - what possessed you to even think about changing.

Change is risky. Change is uncertain. Change is difficult.

Sometimes, you want to change, then you halt quickly and ask yourself: "Do I want that?" This is the kind of response I have right now. Do I really want it? Isn't there the possibility that if I change, I would lose the original flavor of Goh Tsoon Liang Exel and in place of that are artificial colorings and flavours? (Preservatives not included).

If I changed...Would I become a better person? Would the people from before still know me (if they ever did knew me in this first place, that is)? Would I have become a stranger that tries hard to make friends, but scare off people instead?


Then there are others who tell me to 'be myself'. That is wonderful advice especially in some circumstances when you don't know how to act/react, but in the transition of change, do I still know what is 'myself'?

It's a scary thought, knowing that I might lose my identity altogether. Knowing that the changes I'm undergoing might make me more approachable, but just like every other person who attempts the same old route of becoming a swan after years of being laughed at as an ugly duckling. The result? A generic transformation into a good-looking, more charismatic version of himself...with some cover-ups on the flaws still present.

That's the thing with certain shows nowadays. The story goes like this: The fat girl doesn't stay fat and live happily ever after; she SLIMS DOWN then lives happily ever after. The tried and true formula with that familiar seasoning of the generic definition of beauty in society. Wonderful, isn't it? After all, being fat is still something of a taboo in society even if we are all becoming more open-minded.

I'm not saying it isn't good to change, but the simple thought of the eccentric part of me leaving because group norms and society demands it makes me shudder. But if I don't conform, I'll be left out. Simple as that.

So how? So how liddat?

The Singaporean answer would be "Liddat lor." =D

Simple as that. Change, but leave parts of me inside. Even though the future is uncertain and sometimes I make stupid mistakes, but somehow I think things will work out. When they don't....Well, I will just 'walk one step, look one step' lor.

Change can be good....

Caption: Change is the Essence of Life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

Change can ALSO be bad.

What to do? LIDDAT LOR. =P