As mentioned before, life's a roller-coaster.
No, I'm not referring to Ronan Keating's old hit, though the lyrics were pretty refreshing in their own way. It's simply a revelation that I had while in church this early morn, where birds chirped merrily away and the sun grins at the land while the average Singaporean grumbles at the headaches from hangovers or stress of having too much work.
Before preaching even began in its earnest, the verse immediately hit me and I realised why the past few months had been nothing short of tumultous and maddening. Everything happens for a purpose. Everything, from getting an irresponsible team mate to suddenly feeling terribly down and out of steam to picking up a $1 coin, only to have your $10 note surfing away on the waves of the naughty little wind that picked up the red note dropped on the pavement.
Yes, everything. Truth to be told, it was a crazy week for me. Fighting the Enemy with a chipped sword, returning to the King to repair my armor (and a better blade), then going back in and getting thrashed, after which the process repeats itself all over again.
All in a week's work.
But again, everything has a purpose. From the loads of work to the stress then to the sudden lack of confidence that strips you of energy and belief, it WILL all come together for the greater good.
Am I always going to remember that? I doubt it. Being the fallible creatures we are, the tendency for us to magnify the problems and put it in front of us is great. So great that sometimes help an arm's reach or a keyboard away could be forgotten instantaneously. Just by flipping a few pages of that book or just by talking to someone online and pouring out your grievances (Hey, with me you can keep the tap on, no problem), the self-imposed magnifying glass could be shattered - or at least cracked.
So what's the point? What's the point if you know the pattern is going to repeat itself even though you get back up after falling down, knowing that the road is paved with banana skins and tripwires?
Simple. So that you can remove that peel and throw it in the garbage bin. So that you can bend down and remove those blasted traps that send you flying, sometimes literally. Why do people like Thomas Edison get back up after so many failures? So that he can fulfill a dream. Along the way, as he makes his mistakes, he also remembers them then tries again.
There WILL be new tripwires set up by the irritating yet inevitable entity called Life, and more fruity peels left by inconsiderate people. The road is long, the going's tough, but in the end only we can make the decision whether to press on, learning along the way and changing for the better, or always remaining at the same spot, afraid to move, afraid to try, afraid of being mocked at after getting a picture of you falling like an idiot STOMPed.
I'm going to make that choice and keep making it, because I know sometimes my heart fails. But with words of encouragement, with the promises of my King and with certain events in my life, I'll keep moving and keeping progressing as much as I can.
Of course, we need to take into account the Aide that our King has sent us as well. As it was preached today by my pastor, just allowing it to flow into our hearts once more will allow us to burst free of the black shell we've hidden inside of.
And the Merry-go-Round? It's just a matter of perspective, really.
Frankly speaking, I've understood that one of my sole 'good' characteristics is always wanting to help people.
Yes, I know how it sounds. Anyone would have dismissed this statement with a scoff or a sniff and declare that man a self-righteous hypocrite on an ego trip.
Yes. And No.
Still looking at me down your nose? Well, here's a little article that might convince you. Yes, it makes me feel good and no, I find myself no better than other people, not especially when their spontaeity to help others can put any devout Christian/Muslim/Hindu/Buddhist/Others to shame.
The thing is, sometimes when I try to help, it usually causes me to end up in the same spot, mixed together with the dizziness and the fact that everyone already had their turn on it and has since moved on.
I get confused, frustrated: Am I doing the right thing, the right way? What IS the right way? Why am I the only one left on the merry-go-round? Can I ever catch up to the group of kids now playing with the swing and having the time of their lives?
But despite it all, I know I have to be patient and wait for the right time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Trees weren't grown in an hour. Chocolate wasn't made in a minute.
Though I hope they WERE made in a minute or less.
Maybe one day, when I go up to the people I want to help with the sincerest heart I can muster, maybe they can just open up to me.
Then "Let me help you" and "I care" wouldn't sound as hollow as it does in many situations anymore. =)
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