It really is enough.
Not "I had enough of this", but what I can do, the effort I put in, the prayers I have for various people I care about....It is enough.
Sometime ago I keep thinking that really fighting it out, physically or mentally all the time, would give me the result. It would be what the King wanted from me, to keep fighting my infirmities. To war against the overwhelming odds in very adverse or seemingly hopeless situation.
But then I realise, through my good leaders and friends, that I don't have to keep fighting all the time.
I don't have to keep doubting whether I've done enough and stop doing things. I don't have to be overly sensitive about everything, but simply do what I can and trust in the King.
Isn't that what faith is about, that after having done all that I could, I have to trust in the King?
I don't have to keep thinking that I'm a nuisance, a fly that buzzes around no matter how much the people I talk to seemingly want to swat me away. Yet in that, I also understand that there is a limit as to how much I can reach out. How much I can help.
And again, I realise that I'm not the King. I can't do everything for everyone, no matter how much I want to. No matter how much I wish I could be the one you turn to. No matter how much I wish that I could be the one to get you back on track.
In the end, it's up to the King. And it's up to them.
As a leader had told me earlier this week, it's my decision to make. And thank the King that I made it, and am planning to stick with it.
I just pray that decisions can be made, problems can be solved, people can be happy again and everything will be wonderful, not just in the restoration but also in the overcoming of challenges, knowing that we all will become stronger men and women and knowing that when challenges come our way, we won't be running away or rejecting them, but we'll embrace them and overcome.
Perhaps that's where the calm came. The clarity of mind, the knowing confidence that things are going to be just fine. The flood of emotions that threaten to cause me to tear in joy and comfort, after hearing my King saying this to me:
"You don't have to keep fighting. Let me do what you can't. Trust me."
And trust I will. Because while faded, the vision has never disappeared. While veiled, the dreams have never left.
While faint, the King has always been by my side.
By your side.
Trust him.
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