Decided again.
Wonder how many times it has been already.
Decided to focus on myself.
This isn't the season for certain things, and earlier I keep having the mindset that I'm being extremely self-centered and egoistic if I focused on myself.
But that isn't true.
In fact, I'll be selfish and unfair to myself if I did not do so. Didn't the Word tell us to love ourselves? If we can't love ourselves, how can we love our neighbours, or anyone else for that matter?
Every aspect - Spiritual disciplines, Mental, emotional and physical health. Heck, even physical appearance. Guitar, studies, socializing skills...Even the gathering of knowledge to pursue my own dreams.
Putting aside those dreams and visions, perhaps the auto-focus will come as soon as I get my lens right. My equipment working. My life in order.
Or at the very least, most of it.
It's going to be difficult, I suppose, but not impossible. After all, many things in life do try to take away that focus. The times where you feel like you are a repulsive person because people keep giving you one word answers or worse still, don't reply to you at all.
I used to think it was basic courtesy to reply when someone asks you a question, or sends you an SMS. If one could not reply, you would usually do something like justify why. That's what I meant by trying hard in socialisation.
But it seems like times have changed. Or I'm just from another planet, somehow. Maybe I'm too polite.
I understand that sometimes technology screws up on you, though, so I wouldn't say anything to that. The irritation sets in when you reply to someone else or update your FB status frequently right after I sent a message, or try to initiate a conversation.
It tells me two things: You hate me or I'm that repulsive a person.
But guess what? I think I'm starting to stop caring.
Don't reply? OKAY LOR. I'll keep trying and replying whenever you try to initiate a conversation, because I know it's basic courtesy to reply. Even one-word is better than nothing.
But it's fine. I won't be letting this get to my mind or my mood anymore. Defiance is sometimes the best method for this kind of things.
No comments? OKAY LOR. It's not like I need to BEG others to review my stuff all the time. It's not like I should be asking anyone to care that much either.
Stay focused on my own stuff and ignore whta others are doing, in front of me or possibly even behind my back.
Then maybe I'll be able to break that ceiling.
No comments:
Post a Comment