Been waking up too early these past few days.
Just by the timing of this post, it is wayyy too early. I barely slept enough.
I have no idea why. Perhaps its the seriousness of the flu that refused to let me lie down and take a good rest. Perhaps it's the chill of the room when I turn on the air-conditioner, even at 26-27 degrees. Perhaps I just have too many thoughts on my mind, which shouldn't be the case, ever since I found the calm I've been searching for a few days back.
The third one seemed the more likely, though, since I have a brief history about such occurrences: Waking up because of thoughts.
No idea why, but I'm still woozy, as though I had stayed up all night like those rightfully worried husbands/boyfriends/buddies of a girl who got into an accident and had to be operated on overnight. It felt as though there was an unlifted burden, yet I could not pinpoint what it was, even after praying.
The next answer then, came unbidden to me: Was it because there was actually NO burden at all that I felt uneasy, or that the burden actually felt like it wasn't really one?
For someone who is suspected (self-diagnosed based on habits) to have a mild form of OCD, that notion was as alien as E.T. was to any other Earthling. How could that be? There were things going on, so where did this idea come from?
Not long after, I did realise there were burdens after all, just that I was able to take them apart and analyze them easily, just as a kid takes apart a LEGO structure, fascinated with it's framework.
This has happened? Perhaps it's because of this and that. Let's do better the next time.
And another simple prayer, of course, for restoration came into place.
Ultimately, perhaps it was due to the restart that the King has given me. The visions and dreams came again, a little more clearly, to confirm what I've been praying about.
Who knows...Maybe it's the elation at which I could finally see them again as though I had seen a long-lost lover, that my brain simply rejected the notion of sleeping for too long...Even if it meant having longer dreams.
But whatever it is, here I am. Though very certain that I'm going to suffer the consequences of a lack of sleep later, at the very least, I feel a little better, a little calmer, a little happier, knowing that I could sow my seeds once again.
This time, I WILL NOT LET the mistake of reaping them too hastily happen again.
No comments:
Post a Comment