That's something I admit to, now.
I've been in denial about certain things.
But the things I've seen today adds up with everything I've seen, observed and heard.
It's confirmed, and I most certainly don't need to hear any confirmation to know that it's true.
Foolish assumption? Maybe, but I probably need to be blind and deaf to think it's yet another assumption.
Or just delusional or extremely optimistic.
Again, I can scream 'unfair', like I've done it before. Being able to do this and that without coming off as being too pushy, because of the position and the timing, because of other factors that can one can relate to...From a normal perspective, I daresay it's justified.
But I won't do that anymore. Rather than lament about how the situation is always unfavorable for me, perhaps this is the time to change things in my own way, starting from myself.
More confidence. More pushing to do things. Especially in being more relaxed instead of always tensed up, wanting to be better than others.
Pushing oneself to relax maybe paradoxical, but it certainly is justified, because I've been denying the pleasures of life and socialisation by always putting up a stony front, a winning team on the cards as much as I could to beat others.
I guess that's what makes my countenance appear unfriendly at times? Too used to that, so gotta change it. After all, all things are made new with God.
And more importantly, I still believe.
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