Don't know how many times I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. Just thinking.
So sometimes I show up with random thoughts, and this is probably one of those moments.
Had a rather interesting and great cell group meeting. It was really refreshing, knowing that without the regular guitar, without the music that we were so comfortable with hearing, without the singing at the start, the King still moved greatly.
Yes, it seemed a little strange. Yes, sometimes the atmosphere might feel lethargic, but ultimately when you feel the King's presence at the very end, hoping with just one desire to seek his face instead of asking him for the things you and I really want and when he says something, you can really feel it.
I can't believe it at first, but it felt like tears kept flowing out uncontrollably. I couldn't entirely stop it after being ministered. Couldn't entirely stop it even after worship. Couldn't barely stop it during offering.
All because of three simple words.
"Keep it up."
And all through my mind, I kept wondering...Have I been doing good? Was it pleasing to him? Did I commit any sins of omission? Was I repentant, truly repentant? Could I have done more, so much more good works? Could I have made less, so much less mistakes?
But all he said was "Keep it up." Just three words. Three words...
Looking back, I think that I might really have progressed more than I thought. 2 over years in the House, and where am I?
I never would have imagined any of these wonderful things happening, meeting wonderful people, forging wonderful relationships, reviving and having wonderful old and new dreams and visions, singing wonderful songs, learning new, wonderful things...
Having such an awesome and wonderful best friend, mentor, guide and savior.
And I thought back: What would I have been, if I had continued to hate religion? If I continued my anti-christianity stance?
Things would definitely have been different, and I surely think that it's for the better that I made the decision to receive the King's gift of salvation.
Come to think of it, all he said was "Come" at that time.
And that gives me so much more hope suddenly, because the visions, the dreams I had...All he said were but a few words.
"You can do it.", "Trust in me.", "Don't doubt yourself."
And most of the time, these words rang true.
Except for a few, important dreams that have yet come to pass.
But now I know, now I really know, that they will come to pass, one way or another.
One year? Two years? Five years, perhaps? I don't know.
All I know is, my King works in the most mysterious ways. And he most certainly loves to give me very, very pleasant surprises when I least expect it.
All I need to do, is to trust. Even though I may stumble at times and question myself or the vision, yet I know certain things were really God-given, as long as I focus, FOCUS on the main thing at hand.
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There can only be so much before I start feeling really irritated.
Oh, nothing major. Just some comments made by people. They get old sometimes, even though they aren't directed at you, but at someone else.
Yet when I see them, sometimes I would facepalm mentally and wonder if there's more than just that one reaction.
Maybe one might call it classic? I don't know...But it sure is irritating at times, though this feeling should be gone the next day as quickly as the light from the stars fade when the Sun rises.
Or maybe I'm just jealous that some people can just pull it off with panache. Without needing to feel embarrassed or making the other person feel uncomfortable, because they have a certain level of closeness, sufficient enough to make jokes or comments like that.
And again, I would like to say this...Some people seriously don't know how lucky they are.
But yet, it's these 'people' that I'd like to pray for. For various reasons, of course. Definitely NOT for the reason that whatever they say, do or type are irritating me.
But simply because...I feel led to do so.
And I want to pray for them. For strength. For them to return. For them to be more joyful. For them to be more empowered. For them to be revived. For them to be healed. For them to enjoy the things normal people do. For them to be a greater man of the King.
Even though sometimes those worldly voices, the other friends think I'm crazy for doing so for various reasons I don't want to divulge, even though they might see it as a stupid thing to do for people who might not appreciate, who might a stumbling block in various ways, who might simply brush it off...
I'll still do it.
So I hope that at the very least, if you know what I'm talking about, who I'm talking about, please, please...let's pray together for them.
For that's what Love is...To keep on keeping on for these people. To do your best for them even though they might not know, even though no one might know at all.
But be rest assured that someone does know.
And that someone, is the King.
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Close? Not close enough.
Better? Not better enough.
Yet I'll trust that everything...EVERYTHING is going according to God's plan for me.
Tomorrow's going to be interesting and challenging too, without PH around. But I look forward to it. Gonna try my best for it and do what I can.
Letting him take charge again.
"Man may fail, but God never fails. His thoughts are always higher than my thoughts, and his ways are always higher than my ways. We may stumble, but we will never fall."
Mighty Work Time! =DD
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