The way to dealing with issues or problems in your life is to tackle it straight on, like a good ol' quarterback whenever any player on the opposing team is tearing down the field for a touchdown.
Or so I was told. Rather, so I had read in a book.
The same book also mentioned that a certain level of denial is good too. Denying that you work is bad just because of one or two rejections. Denying that you are horrible just because you failed once or twice. Denying that your desires or goals are doomed to die jus because you hit obstacles once or twice.
Or even umpteenth times, for that matter.
So contradictory in a way...One side telling you not to run and face it, the other seemingly telling you to run away from it.
But perhaps they are used in different contexts.
Problems won't go away. Certain things won't go away no matter what you do, and the best way is obviously to stand up straight, stare them down and start grabbing the bull by its horns.
Denial here, though, is not instant gratification, nor is it really running away from reality. It feels that the denial the author was talking about was denying one's own lack of ability to do certain things. Or denying yourself, the true talents, abilities, feelings you have within you.
Would the Sealing that is underway be bad then? Since it covers over a huge part of how I truly feel.
Perhaps not, since it's only for a season. How long, I wouldn't know. More than that, how I can cling on to the vision and dream that was once so vivid, so clear and now still a little blurry is the real question.
But would it be wrong to pour all that energy into doing other things, new stuff that you've wanted to do, instead of facing those issues head on? Isn't it kind of like a denial?
I don't know...But sometimes grabbing the mad bull by its horns isn't going to help. Neither is looking at another matador in the ring who is better, has more fans or has progressed further than you going to.
All I need to do now is to concentrate on my own growth, and hopefully nothing else can distract me...
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"I shouldn't have looked."
This phrase appeared countless times when I mentally berated myself for either knowing something I shouldn't know, or knowing something that I knew, subconsciously, would hurt me, but I still looked.
That's the biggest fault of an inquisitive nature: Wanting to know answers to every question. Wanting to know what else is going on. Wanting to take part.
And some people can' take this kind of...behavior, I guess. It feels more like 'prying' than asking for most.
And once again, I'm feeling a little like this.
I shouldn't have looked, because the moment I do, my heart might sink.
But at the same time, it's better to know where the torpedoes are heading from than praying and hoping they won't hit you. At least you know you won't make it or to be more positive, at least you know what evasive maneuvers to execute. What kind of weapons to use to deflect the danger to eliminate the threat.
"I shouldn't have looked."
Maybe I should stick with this and ignore certain things, even if it seems like denial.
In the end, the only thing that should really matter is what God has shown me.
Though it tarries, it shall not delay.
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