No, not exactly the one I want happening (Ha! I wish). If everything could come so easily, we wouldn't grow at all.
Besides, what I really meant was the Sealing. It was done as I wanted it to, and as God willed it. I don't know why, but perhaps it really is the best thing to happen, because this feels like one of the few times I received an answer so quickly from him.
Praise the Lord.
And along the way, I kept thinking: What if the Sealing makes me forget? Would I lose those beautiful memories? Inadvertently let go of the wonderful images? The things that seemed and felt (and possibly will seem and feel) so wonderful, yet so real, like a dream come true...Would they fade away forever?
But thank God, no. For one thing, I know I can't forget. It's just too hard currently.
However, if it does take 5 years or perhaps even 10 down the road for things to really fall in place, then I might really lose hold of that which I sealed away.
Yet....Even if I forget, God remembers.
Yes, he does forget too. But he forgets our sins as we come before him asking for forgiveness with a repentant heart. He forgets the past wrongs we have committed.
But yet, he remembers the good we have done. He remembers the dreams and visions that you want to cling on to, lest your human memory fails you, even as the circumstances swamp you and bog you down. He memorises every little thing you want or think about, and knows your dreams and desires inside out.
I find that very reassuring. He knows, he remembers, he cares. Even if your birthday is forgotten, even if your efforts are unappreciated, even if there's no one or nothing that can comfort you at that point in time, one prayer is enough. One conversation is enough. One session of crying out about your frustrations, your fears, your shattered hopes, your fading wishes, your failing strength...Is enough.
Or maybe sometimes we need to do that a few more times. Just to reassure ourselves. Or simply to make known to God that we are really, really determined to seek his face despite our emotional state. After all, trusting and believing in him despite everything coming against you, is a form of sacrifice that only he can see.
And in this, it really is an ideal situation. To perform the Sealing, yet to have a key to unsealing it, or a memoir to remember it by, given to me at the time when God does his mighty work.
And like flipping a page, or flipping to a random page that I haven't read, he reassures me time and again, that this is indeed the ideal situation right now.
Just gotta wait. Focus on the things I need to do, and then unseal 'it' when the time is ripe, according to his will.
And change of plans. No study group! Wish I could help, but hey, this also means more time to practise. Still stuck on the darn G....>.<
Confidence!!! =D
No comments:
Post a Comment