Random title, I know, but I don't really care. Gotta let my brain juices flow once in a while in that direction, yeah?
Never thought I would say this, but it felt like God's presence has truly, truly defied the law of physics. In fact, 'defy' wouldn't even be the right word. 'Supercede' sounds more apt in this case.
Just earlier, the rollercoaster was on a downward slope. It felt like I was falling, falling....Even though I knew there was a point that the upslope was coming, it felt like gravity is stopping it. It felt like the steepness of the slope was making things difficult for the cars, where we need to trudge up bit by bit before reaching the highest point. It felt like I was making a hopeless journey, clawing my way back up rather than traveling on a smooth route to the destination, or even waypoint I was looking forward to.
But all of a sudden, the screeching stopped. The slope suddenly seemed a little less steep, then there was little resistance, and the buoyant feeling suddenly takes over all the senses that had been dulled by the sudden rush of blood to your brain, lifting up your spirits as you glance towards that milestone in the distance, or that checkpoint which signaled a break from that up and down madness you recently or even constantly found yourself in.
And today, it really felt like I had reached a checkpoint.
Pastor Kong came back. HE. CAME. BACK.
It's just so strange, that for all the negative news, all the bad things that people were talking about on the Net about the church, about him, about Sun...Yet the moment he was being introduced to come up on stage, I never felt happier.
Part of the more spontaneous me wanted to just run up and give him a great hug, but that was obviously out of the question because firstly, that would be something we called 'madness'. Secondly, I was seated some way behind.
It was really amazing, how everyone stood up. How suddenly joy flooded through the place. How smiles appeared on the faces on people who had a dour look on their faces as though a grand magic trick had taken place.
Simply put, it was simply amazing to see all (or at least most) people so happy, so excited, so supportive even though the common sense taught by pragmatism would warn us to stay away.
But no, the joy of his presence in the place flooded over that and people started clapping, paying attention more than ever before as though this was the happiest thing to ever happen.
But even then, perhaps voices appeared in the heads of others like it did in mine. "Who are you really clapping for? Are you sure he isn't what the media makes him out to be? Are you worshipping the person rather than the God who's behind him?"
But the dismissal was as swift as the referee gives the player after seeing that one player punching his opponent in the face in front of him. Perhaps it's something the deeper core of pragmatism or legalism has trouble understanding, that it is not idolatry, nor is it a group mentality.
It is love.
Before you start screwing your faces up, raising your eyebrows or snorting derisively, I'm saying that with all seriousness. It's love. Something like the love you have for a friend who isn't close, but feels like he has done so, so much for you. The love you have for the father you don't really talk to, yet knows that he really cares. The love that cannot be explained by Master's Theses or rational ideas or the materialistic mindset.
I don't understand it either, why I was smiling, why I was so happy that he's back, but that's just how I feel, and more often than not one can never rationalise - even though you could always control - emotions.
And I believe the dismissals came swiftly for most people too, perhaps some even with a swat by the imaginary hand at the annoying fly of doubts buzzing about their ears. All done while smiling and clapping and cheering.
So glad that he's back. Really.
Besides that, things started to look up. I don't know why, but it suddenly feels like the heaviness I feel whenever I wake up seemed to...disappear, or at least lighten. A lot.
Perhaps it had something to do with decisions I made, the resolutions I wanted to fulfill, and the urgency of wanting to fulfill a promise I made.
But nowadays, every new day is a good new day. Every interaction, no matter how seemingly monotonous or boring or normal as it may seem, has something good in it.
Count not the chickens that haven't been hatched, but the increasing number of cracks on the egg shells every consecutive minute.
You know, things aren't rosy all the time. That I know...And complaints will probably be heard, or perhaps - God forbid - the posts filled with anger might appear, but they are hopefully becoming more endangered soon, because joy and encouragement are rigorous hunters who know no limits at times, preferring to clear the forests in your mind of all game that serve only to bring you down the second something bad happens.
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Sometimes, things are really not what they seem.
Should have known this a long time ago, but the things right in front of you can suddenly seem so huge, so large that it becomes a maze with tall walls - you don't know which way to turn, and you can't see over the barriers to look at how others are doing. Sometimes you hit dead ends immediately. Sometimes a new turn, an unfamiliar route gives you hope, but suddenly it just leads to yet another dead end and you have to turn dejectedly away.
Maybe I need to learn how to wield a hammer large enough to break those walls, or even just a drill would be enough - create a hole large enough for me to see what others are experiencing, making that effort rather than just be stuck in my own situation and look at nothing else.
Perhaps that would gain me a greater, more encompassing perspective of things. After all, it would really be great if I could understand a little more, and bless others in the future, especially those who happen to be in the same situation, no?
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