In the midst of changing, sometimes we forget to look at things from an objective point of view.
I found this out not too long ago, though I should have done that years back. When you change or start changing and having a different mindset, there are people you seek to understand, but can't. You get frustrated, you get discouraged, and you feel like giving up, even though you want to be a part of their lives. Even though you want to understand them more so that you can really be friends or help that person.
Guess what? Sometimes they just don't want it, though inwardly they might need it.
Some people keep complaining to others that they feel lonely, that no one cares, that he/she feels left out. When it was suggested that they interact with certain people, they reject it for some reason they might not even be able to understand. When people try to care, they close up. When people keep quiet, either to let them solve the problem themselves or because they wanted to respect the wishes of that person, they are then accused (inwardly or outwardly) of being unfeeling, uncaring.
And some others would simply want to be left alone, despite showing that they were fine on the outside. Despite reassuring everyone that everything's okay, they might be hurting inside. They might be thinking of resolving their problems on their own, without having to expose their own vulnerability to others. Sometimes it could be because of pride. Sometimes it could be because of past traumatic experiences that end up in betrayal and hurt.
Guess what? Many of us have been through the same experiences and felt the same thing, yet when our feet grew and we placed them in the soles of different shoes, we look at the old pair as being strange, weird and sometimes even disgusting. We also wonder what does it take for us to put ourselves back into those pair of shoes again and understand the situation better.
Many people, including me.
But the realization hit me hard when I was talking to a couple of people and when I did a retrospective on my thoughts and reactions. Different people have different needs and reactions. Most of all, they have a different level of relationship with you. While some friends might be all chummy with you on the outside, they might not actually really care about you or want you caring about them on a deeper level. Besides...
-Having similar experiences do not necessarily mean you feel the same emotions all the time. While it is true most for most cases that you feel the same emotions, it does not mean that both of you will experience the same things, i.e breakthroughs, hardships. The next time when we listen to someone, we should think before-like all the cool and spontaneous handsome dudes in TV shows who do this during an emotional scene that surprised the girl and find their way to their hearts-impulsively saying "I understand", because sometimes we really don't.
-Worrying and trying to help the group of people who wish to be left alone all the time is a recipe for disaster. Look at it this way: Who do we think we are? That is the question that would be asked by the people you want to help and even by the third party - the obervers - sometimes. We are not God. Worrying is not going to get us anywhere, and sometimes what we are doing is simply a nuisance to the person involved.
To be fair, it's really difficult to ascertain if a person really needs your help or not. Sometimes whatever you do might actually be detrimental instead, while at many other times your efforts will be appreciated by them. It's a delicate issue, more so when it comes to sensitive issues and how sensitive that person is to certain topics that involved his/her personal life.
Without any arrogance, I'd say that I love to help people, and am in the midst of finding out how not to be a nuisance and more importantly, how not to be callous. Difficult task, of course...As sometimes even I would look at the old pair of shoes differently.
Besides, as a friend had once told me, the Heart is what really matters. If you really care and love that person, he/she will definitely feel it.
And I'm sure of it, that despite making mistakes along the way, my intentions were and still are pure.
No comments:
Post a Comment