Concentration

Keep losing it. The focus goes off, and I drop into depression.

Should I think bad of some who don't care? No. Actually, they have a valid reason too: so that they can get ahead of me in certain things, while showing concern when others are around.

Even if that's true, I think I should just lie to myself and say it isn't, because that truth might still be a lie in the end. Paradoxical, but I think it's logical.

The vision revisited me yesterday. Though it wasn't as clear as the last time, I could feel the conviction starting to reignite the dying embers of the passion and drive in my heart. The flame isn't as strong as before, of course...But it's a good way to start again and not let the things near me affect me so much. Following someone as an example is one thing. Following his deficiencies as well as insecurities is another, because I have became victim to those things unwittingly.

But the vision appeared again. He spoke again. He comforted me again, when no one else wanted to, and I'm so glad I made the decision to talk to Him even though I felt too numb to show emotion or cry out.

I can't let that happen anymore, because I am myself, and he is himself. When I wanted change, it wasn't to be like him; It was to become more like Him. Hope you get it.

That's why....If he has the support of friends and the King, at least I have the support of the King. And in my weakness let He show himself all the more stronger. In what I'm lacking let him be more than enough. In what I desire let him bless me with an overflowing, more than I can even ask or imagine.

So today, while other people are having fun, while other people bask in the joyful atmosphere of being showered with care, concern and love, I'll just work hard and love my King more. If no human loves me, at least He does. If no human cares, at least He does. If no human remembers, at least He does. If no human forgives, at least He does.

The hurt hasn't gone away, but it has most certainly subsided. The storm has passed and the first rays of light pierce through the grey, gloomy mass like arrows that just left their bows, so swift and sure.